I just scribble away
I wait for everything to just freeze in its track but nothing or anyone ever does.
My eyes get heavy as time passes by but I'm not ready to sleep.
I'm afraid every moment I spend sleeping. I spend wasting time away.
My mind is roaring with sounds and the past, but recent events.
For some odd reason.. "he" appears in each one.
My mind repeats every word I think of over and over again just waiting to speak another.
I strain away from the action so I don't have to feel the pain, exaggeration, and the agony and heart hurt of "him"
It's not him causing my pain.. for heavens sake he doesn't even know if I like him. The "pain" i feel is NEED.
But here I am writing what I feel. Scribbling away.. letting time pass me by.

I always thought you were cute but tonight, tonight was a different story.
You make me laugh along with my two friends i was hanging with.
I felt uncomfortable and awkward at first but then when we made eye contact I felt fine.
I feel like I'm in kindergarten again when I was that little girl with her biggest crush that she thought was love at first sight, but I'm afraid to tell anyone that because I don't want to be immature.
When the fun was over and I looked on your profile only to add you but I saw more then what I expected - you have a girlfriend.
Whatever, life goes on and just hope that tonight started a friendship.

At this point about an hour past the fun and games.. I just feel lost.

Those flowers have to live with each other most of their lives.
I think if it were humans that lived like flowers, the suicide population would raise.
I need to be alone sometimes and just chill out and listen to music or just sleep without voices.
I need my life to be free and expressible

The flowers get pushed together when there is a breeze, and some times they get pushed to hard and they fall to the ground and slowly die after each day.
Some of the flowers are just there to decorate. I personally think flowers have a depressing, beautiful life.

Me and You-11:30isshh pm.

To start me dream night off we can start dancing to music in my room from songs back from 2008, because all of the other songs are boring and have no memories attached with them.
Then we can get some weed from your cousin down the road and come back and smoke it in my room.
When we get stoned enough we can be proud *stoners and walk downtown.


*the sandSTONERS are our town team*

Then we can walk the two main streets downtown and dance to the music that always plays.
When we get hungry we can go the pizza place where all the drunks and stoners go at night and order more then we can both eat.
Then we can walk to the bridge that sits there downtown and jump off and swim and laugh.
When we get tired of swimming we can smoke more and then call random people on our contacts.
With no one in this world to care about us we can stay out all night and just act like proud stoners and just sit around.
When morning comes around we can laugh about it.

Then 30 years later we can remember those crazy days and cry together because we miss those days.
Assuming we are going to live together for the rest of our lives.

I fear that I won't be strong.
My heart can't take another heart break but I'm taking that challenge.
I want someone to need me.
I want someone to tell me that everything will be alright.
I try to walk off the memories and try not to bring it up but it pops up.
I just need someone to need me back.
I just want to loosen up the madness.
I want someone to love me for my expression not someone to love so I can impress them.
Really, it's not that bad.
I need the caress and comfort even if you may drive me insane.

We can walk in the blistering burnt sand and listen to the waves run back and forth on the shore. We can daydream until sunset and when it comes around the time of our "bedtime" we can pretend like we aren't tired.
If we walk for thousands of miles, we have to at least take breaks and catch our breaths but when it comes to facing reality, we can daydream and just pretend all of this is a movie.
The girls walk around in a t-shirt and underwear while the guys just have boxers. We can check each other out and at the same time talk about something that makes no sense.
We can laugh at the dullest thing and call it shiny like we are high like a kite.
Just the thought of you drives me wild. Just the thought of you makes me daydream of the things we can do.

Intitled to myself♥

The walls seem like they are tumbling down, imploding, crushing me. I just have the strength to ignore the cuts and bruises and walk out like I’m fine. Really, I’m a normal person with normal flaws. I believe that I have someone watching over me at all times. I have a feeling in me that also makes me believe in God. I can say that I’m an outcast of many people, but I seem to get along with most of the people I don’t fit in with.

Inside I have hate and jealousy built up inside but, like with my cuts and bruises, I learn to ignore them and leave them out of situations. In the past I have showed my jealousy and hate toward people, and I regret that. I didn’t think before any of that, but once I lost my best friend I realized I have to step my game up and take a chance at being a winner. I may be just sitting thinking what will happen next, but all of the thinking is my ego, I guess I can say.

Lets throw a party and blow out wish candles. We can exchange gifts and hope for the best one. After the gift exchange and the cake eating we can run around playing marker tag then fall on the grass laughing at the marks from the tagging.
Let us not worry about tomorrow and let our adventure take off like a rocket. Speaking of rockets, we can build one and shoot it about 10 feet into the sky and smile at how epic that flight was.
We can pucker our lips and put on crazy f*cking makeovers and post the pictures on facebook but then log out and start up our adventure again.
We can make up a story but write it all down as we go and when we're done, lets not edit it. At the ending, it has to be a happily ever after.
When we lay down in my room and watch movies, lets put our heads on my silk pillow.
As night falls we can watch the sky and name them and then draw them as star children and then laugh at how funny they turn out ot be.
When my parents fall asleep we can go to the guest house and throw a two person party? Yeah, I think we can manage that.
When it is all over we start a new adventure the next day but next time, there has to be fireworks involved.

I was on the front steps listening to the birds chirp and I was watching the bee's make their way through the flowers in the next door neighbor's garden.
In the corner of my eye I thought I saw some one creeping behind me but it was only my shadow. I ran inside and told my sister how humiliating I am.
I sat back outside and watched the ants this time. They carried the crumbs of food they found from some place and I still watched in awe.
Then as the last ant went in the ant hole I realized the sun was going down and everything had a shadow and the view was like a picture in a photograph.
It was like the world stood stil for just a moment.

Speachless

It is the fact that I have nothing to write. The words will come out but they struggle. When I write the words that come out I can't find the right position to put them in. The idea come one after another but the words, like I said, struggle to come out. I'm empty minded but at the same time my mind is trying to figure out what I want. I have to get used to the self-made decisions that I make. To learn, I'll take it one step at a time, even if this turns into an adventure. I will get myself together.

The pain and hatered fo the world can strengthen me. I will walk with my head up high and my pride will stand out with grace. My smile will brighten and all the heads passing by will turn toward me. It will take almost everything to bring me down. The days of my weakness' and my breaking points have passed or have been brought up to a higher level. The ugly looks people give me strength me like I said before. The love makes me remember the days that love was all I needed. I need more then just love, I need passion and desire. I need the world to stand up by my side and help me walk pass the things that will get me down. At the same time that I will walk, I will stand strong. I fight to get to where I want, I need time and patience. In the end, this will be all worth the while

I'm invisible when I'm left alone and no one needs me. The pain of rejection hurts deep in my heart. I always come around to handle it and I walk away about to cry. It helps to take a deep breath but not completely. I just feel alone and empty. I guess I can call it karma because I like the power rejection gives me against people.
Wrapped up in my big, black, warm blanket, my stomach settles in its position. When I think of the problem my stomach flipps again. As I try to convince myself that the world is turning slowly, my stomach settles down and the colors brighten up. That feeling was the first time I felt of rejection.
My mind is just thinking of what would happen if the truth was spoken first before the excuses.

Everyone has different minds and they all think differently. Just because they have nice clothes and a nice house doesn't mean their life may be perfect.
Deep inside someone is an emotional side and the part of them that has been through alot of things. Apperence isn't the key thing to life. Don't judge a book by its cover because you may be missing out and you don't know how much that person have been through. The challenges in life comes without warning at times.
The emotions build up with your thoughts in your mind sometimes they can come naturally. Love is the connection everyone should have. The pain can come a few times but really nobody should be treated like little girls rag doll.
Take a step today and love the great things in life and make and effort to make someone smile.

She tosses and turnes while she sleeps at night.You are always on her mind. Just let her know you love her.
When you pick up the pillow she lays her head on, she has love letter to you that she fails to send. Oh, those tissues in the waste basket is full of her tears. She would rather feel something than just to forget it.
While she is walking away crying with her things packed, stop her, promise her you'll change, and kiss her gently. If you let her walk away you might as well let your life walk away too. She wants you to love her like no one else has ever loved her before. Make her comfortable and feel warm inside. That is all she needs is you. Just remember you might not get another chance and then all you have is those past memories.

The days before July fouth become exciting and packed days filled with fun. At night right after dark the fireworks go off from in the distance. The loud booming and screaching of the different fireworks make the world seem like it stopped. The people surrounded watching in awe. The sky lights up like lightning striking an area. The red, white, and blue colors of the U.S. flag are bright with honor. As the final day comes the flags are hung up to honor our country and also to lead the path of the parade. The marching bands play their songs and the floats behind just move along with decorations decorating it. The people come in groups and have fun and the family cooks out and meets with each other. This is the day of our independence.

I blare the music from the playlists on my laptop. I'm the only one singing and the only one in the room. I put on my braclets one by one to make them sit confortably on my wrist. My mouth is dry with the crave of watermelon. My hair is dripping wet from the shower and my eyes have smudged eyeliner around them from yesterday.Since the window is opened in the room my neighbors hear the voice of mine singing to Christofer Drew's songs.My mind is rushing with the needs I have to do after i get dressed. My room is a mess and it is frustrating me. On the brightside the sun is shining through the screen on the window and partly through the see- through curtain tied to the side. As I walk to my bed and crawl to the window that it is next to, I hear closely and hear only the birds chirping. The kids in my neighborhood went to relitives to enjoy the weather. I sit back down and wipe the eyeliner from my eyes and finish getting dressed. After I do that I clean I walk outside, take a deep breath, and smell the smells of summer. I can smell the fresh cut grass and the swimming pools in the backyards. Slowly the days are going by and I just run around and enjoy them.

Lemonade stands, kids running around their house playing tag, and the pools set up in the backyard. All of those are signs of summer. Flip flops are randomally spotted in the yard, while the owner walks around bare foot. The barbaque pits are also turned on with a great cookout meal cooking. It's that kind of hot where the girls want to walk around in bikinis and the guys want to walk around in trunks. The splashing in the water is cooling. It's an endless day. The radio is blasting and it's a summer party. Summer is those days you get to relax and have summer forever. Just take a great summer filled vacation. As noon rolls around the laughter and happiness increases. The trampolines get a work out from everyone jumping on them. The pool is filled with people wanting to enjoy the cooling from it. The dogs play around with their toys and their owner. The whole neighboorhood is enjoying summer.

"Those are the times that keep me going"

As all six of us lay on the beach as the sun is setting it becomes a time where we can't forget this. We are on blankets telling stories of the times we remember in the past while in the bckground the radio is blasting our favorite station and its playing songs that we blasted in the past. The sun set makes the world reflect an orange- yellow. Us three girls have tears rolling down because those were memories we miss. When the silence comes around we listen to the sounds of the waves over powering the blasting radio. After a few moments the guys start back up the story telling and its back to the laughter and cries of happines. These are the times of our lives. The greatness of friendship build up and become so good.

As I twirl around faster and faster my cheeks begin to sting because of my hair hitting them. I twirl and its almost like I'm floating. I get that feeling like I'm going to get sick so I stop and I landed on the wonderful figure that I brought along with me. We both laugh together because I'm silly. Once the spinning stops he helped me up and then we spun together. My skirt twirls like a tango skirt. We were spinning in the front yard of your house and the cars honk as they pass by. Eventually we stopped and fall on the grass.
I looked at him and asked, "Did you enjoy our adventure?"
With a confused look and his mind scrambling he says to me, "Where did we go? We sat here all day looking at the clouds."
Then I explained to him that I twirl because it takes me away to a world away from here. Once again I heard his laugh and his voice hesitated to say, "I loved our adventure."
Since it was getting dark we stayed outside just to see the sun set. After the sun went down the clouds roll in and the weather changes. Up in the clouds it doesn't hesitate to rain.
We hadn't kissed before and TEMPATION rolls around and I get a feeling that I believe is the feeling of love. As awkward as I feel I get the guts to hold his hand and lean in. I guess he got the hint and we kissed for a few seconds. After this day I will make wishes to stay with him. ♥

As we grow older we realize the fears we overcame in the days that past. When we were always scared to fall off of the monkey bars, we bravened up and climbed all the way to the other side. When you were the shy one you are now the one the won't stop talking. Now as you are in school I'm pretty sure some kids are scared of what the other students think of them. One day at one point in life we all are going to scared of something. We will also be alone at a moment in our lives. We will sit there quietly and listen to the wind whisper in your ears. When you feel the wind mess up your "I took hours on that" hair, you know that it's time to do something interesting with your life. When you sit alone somewhere and cry all your emotions need to be let out. Whatever the fear is eventually it will cathc up to you and you will overcome it, or outgrow it. All those days you sit alone its a lesson being learned. No matter what anyone tells you, you can be whatever you want to be. ♥

Us girls have our own secret language but some boys are stupid enough to not understand the hints.
When we say we are "fine" or talk one word sentances we are pretty upset about something.
When we say "I'm just tired" when you ask us what's wrong, more than likely we are too afraid to tell the truth and/or something is bothering us.
If we say "I don't care" that usually means that we do care really much.
If you look inside a girls heart she has many things that bother her and tears waiting to come out. The teenagers are the ones that seem like they have something to cry about.
Boys, any girl that you get, you are very lucky to have (no, I'm not talking just the ones that want to get laid or w/e). She may take most everything you say to heart because she likes you alot and she feels lucky to have you. If you actually believe the "I don't care"'s , the one word sentances or the "I'm fine" phrases then you really need to straighten up and stand tall next to her. Hold her through the rough times and try your best at the realationship. Us girls love the attention and the love you give us.

I love those friends who yell "BOY PUT SOME PANTS ON!" When I'm on the phone. I may hate it at the moment but its funny later. I love those guy friends who say "guide me through this section" when you have to walk in the bra and panties section. I'm sure I love every moment with them. I have learned to take my friends for granted because I have lost friends in the past because I treated them like crap. Sometimes life could rewind its self but like is a bitch, not a slut. Now I know to be careful for the future. I know that everyones not perfect.
Around my friends I am nothing like I am in public. I guess I'm myself around them.