I just scribble away
I wait for everything to just freeze in its track but nothing or anyone ever does.
My eyes get heavy as time passes by but I'm not ready to sleep.
I'm afraid every moment I spend sleeping. I spend wasting time away.
My mind is roaring with sounds and the past, but recent events.
For some odd reason.. "he" appears in each one.
My mind repeats every word I think of over and over again just waiting to speak another.
I strain away from the action so I don't have to feel the pain, exaggeration, and the agony and heart hurt of "him"
It's not him causing my pain.. for heavens sake he doesn't even know if I like him. The "pain" i feel is NEED.
But here I am writing what I feel. Scribbling away.. letting time pass me by.

I always thought you were cute but tonight, tonight was a different story.
You make me laugh along with my two friends i was hanging with.
I felt uncomfortable and awkward at first but then when we made eye contact I felt fine.
I feel like I'm in kindergarten again when I was that little girl with her biggest crush that she thought was love at first sight, but I'm afraid to tell anyone that because I don't want to be immature.
When the fun was over and I looked on your profile only to add you but I saw more then what I expected - you have a girlfriend.
Whatever, life goes on and just hope that tonight started a friendship.

At this point about an hour past the fun and games.. I just feel lost.

Those flowers have to live with each other most of their lives.
I think if it were humans that lived like flowers, the suicide population would raise.
I need to be alone sometimes and just chill out and listen to music or just sleep without voices.
I need my life to be free and expressible

The flowers get pushed together when there is a breeze, and some times they get pushed to hard and they fall to the ground and slowly die after each day.
Some of the flowers are just there to decorate. I personally think flowers have a depressing, beautiful life.

Me and You-11:30isshh pm.

To start me dream night off we can start dancing to music in my room from songs back from 2008, because all of the other songs are boring and have no memories attached with them.
Then we can get some weed from your cousin down the road and come back and smoke it in my room.
When we get stoned enough we can be proud *stoners and walk downtown.


*the sandSTONERS are our town team*

Then we can walk the two main streets downtown and dance to the music that always plays.
When we get hungry we can go the pizza place where all the drunks and stoners go at night and order more then we can both eat.
Then we can walk to the bridge that sits there downtown and jump off and swim and laugh.
When we get tired of swimming we can smoke more and then call random people on our contacts.
With no one in this world to care about us we can stay out all night and just act like proud stoners and just sit around.
When morning comes around we can laugh about it.

Then 30 years later we can remember those crazy days and cry together because we miss those days.
Assuming we are going to live together for the rest of our lives.

I fear that I won't be strong.
My heart can't take another heart break but I'm taking that challenge.
I want someone to need me.
I want someone to tell me that everything will be alright.
I try to walk off the memories and try not to bring it up but it pops up.
I just need someone to need me back.
I just want to loosen up the madness.
I want someone to love me for my expression not someone to love so I can impress them.
Really, it's not that bad.
I need the caress and comfort even if you may drive me insane.